The Latest Research on Adventuratis
Some of you may recall that not too long ago we had our annual general meeting in Slovakia. One evening I told the guys to go and have dinner on their own and I snuck out to meet Dr. Cimrman who lives not very far away in the Czech Republic. You may recall how Dr. Cimrman diagnosed me with a severe case of Adventuratis. Being so close to Prague, I sent him a message and to my surprise he said he would be in Slovakia and that he would be happy to see me and see how my Adventuratis is progressing. Dr. Cimerman listened attentivelyto how, due to my accident with the elephant, I have essentially been stuck in my home and how difficult it has been to find any relief. I then asked him what brought him to Bratislava and he explained that, as a matter of fact, he was in the midst of some very fascinating research and he gave me some indication of his results. He explained that one of his Adventuratis patients is now in his ninth decade of life and he is still suffering from the disease and is continuously seeking a variety of adventure thrills. In fact, he mentioned that he is seeing older and older patients suffering from the disease. The man in question however is also behaving more like a man half his age when it comes to appetite for food, wine, music and sex. He has even enrolled in university courses. He also refuses to see any doctors. At thta Dr. Cimrman than had one of his brilliant flashes of genius and decided to investigate the long term impact of Adventuratis on his patients. Though he swore me to secrecy I cannot help myself and must tell you some of his results.
It turns out that Adventuritis patients vary significantly from a controlled group of normal people in several ways. In particular, Adventuratis sufferers complain less, eat more, drink more, have a stronger libido, have sharper taste buds, tend to sing louder in the shower, eat many more deserts than their bodies show, have better social lives, are more politically savvy, drink too much wine and beer, hate despots, do not suffer from depressions and fatigue and generally prefer to have a good time. They live longer, have better relationships with their grandchildren and have a hard time with fools. They are more decisive, seem not to be afraid of foreign cultures or suffer from xenophobia and overestimate the benefits of vitamins. Most are eager to volunteer for future space missions. They also don’t care much for beaches and distrust the media. Dr. Cimrman also told me that he is now working on a subspecies of Adventuratis sufferers, the long distance cyclists, and hinted that he is getting even more interesting results. Unfortunately he would not divulge anything yet. He said it is premature to give away any information but he did mention the results would surprise me.